


Under Your Scars

by Danjo



Series: When Ashes Fall [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:01:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26700325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danjo/pseuds/Danjo
Summary: Continuation of When Ashes Fall. Life goes on, even after what happened to you at Talon. You get close with a certain charming cowboy, who makes you feel like a normal person again. Will you be able to heal, or is the past going to haunt you forever?
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Reader, Past mentions of Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Reader
Series: When Ashes Fall [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943017
Comments: 24
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heya, so you guys really gave me ideas after I finished When Ashes Fall, and thus I started this little continuation which I hope you will like :)
> 
> You really should read When Ashes Fall first for this to make sense (unless you’re not into non-con fics, then you can read it now!)
> 
> Find me on tumblr: danjo-ao3

Sunshine filtered through the windows of the Overwatch cantina on watchpoint Gibraltar and was warming you pleasantly as you sat bent over your meal and shoveled mashed potatoes in your mouth, when suddenly loud and fast footsteps approached from the hall outside. 

All eyes were on the agent who barged through the cantina doors and sprinted right to your table. 

“He’s awake!” Greene, one of your squadmates, said to you, out of breath. 

Without any further explanation needed you slammed down your fork, immediately pulled away from the table and were out the door in the blink of an eye, leaving behind your squadmate while she was still gasping for air. 

As you were rounding corners and taking stairs in favour of the slower elevators, you tried to remember the last time you’d seen him. 

A warehouse, an explosion and an ensuing nightmare. The memory almost made you trip, but you grabbed onto the railing of the staircase and finally you arrived at the medical wing. 

You slowed down to a jog and went straight for the small makeshift coma ward they had set up exclusively for one person.

Outside of his room was quite a bit of commotion, you stopped and asked a nurse if you could see him but he told you to wait a little more. So you went reluctantly and sat down on a bench a few meters away. 

Three months, it had been almost three months since the explosion. Ten weeks since Caleb had suffered serious injury to his head and fell into a coma. Seventy days since you’d been abducted by Talon.

Today marked the day of your thirty-ninth day in freedom. Not that you kept track or anything…

You were still uncertain sometimes if all of this was just a dream, worried that you might wake up in your room at the Talon base. That Reaper had not let you go at all. 

Shivering at the thought, you sat back against the wall and closed your eyes. It was ridiculous, really. But some thoughts are simply hard to ignore.

“Hey there.”

You squinted up at Jesse McCree, whom you’d already recognized from his voice. 

“Hi,” you answered and gave him a tentative smile. Somehow, he always managed to brighten any room with his presence alone, and you were grateful for it. “So you heard it, too?”

“Yeah, just now.” He motioned to the empty seat next to you and after you nodded and shifted a bit to give him room, he sat down and tipped his head back a fraction. 

“Damn miracle if you ask me,” he sighed and crossed his outstretched legs before him. 

“Dr. Ziegler wasn’t sure if he’d make it either.”

“Have you seen him yet?”

“No.”

Silence ensued, a little awkward if you were honest. These past few weeks had been tough, and somehow Jesse had become one of your closest friends. You didn’t know why the cowboy had suddenly been so invested in you, but he’d always been there whenever you needed someone to vent to or talk about nothing in particular ever since you got back. 

When you’d been questioned about your knowledge of Talon you had managed to avoid the topic of Reaper, you’d only mentioned that he was one of their inner circle, but that you had reason to believe that this was not the case anymore. That had been the hardest interview of your life, having to retell all that had happened, just so they could decide whether you were a spy or not, possibly brainwashed by the terrorists. 

They were still kind of cautious, you hadn’t been allowed on any official meetings or missions yet, as they were wary of how you’d been able to escape. Apparently, saying you don’t remember was not a good explanation. But saying that Reaper had simply let you go sounded even less believable, and would raise a million more questions. 

Jesse had been one of the few people who believed you. It was such a relief to not have to explain yourself over and over. He accepted what you were willing to give and didn’t probe any further. You figured it might have something to do with his own past he was reluctant to talk about. 

But when you had walked into his room without knocking a few days ago, while he was in the middle of changing clothes, it was hard to meet his eyes without blushing. 

And even though you’d already apologized, you still felt like it wasn’t enough. 

“I’m… sorry I didn’t knock–”

Jesse laughed. “It’s fine, sweet pea. How often do I have to remind you?” He had seemed rather unphased by you barging in like that, his easy smile had told you as much.

You averted your eyes and nervously fiddled with the material of your pants.

_Change the topic!_

“Do you think he’ll still be the same?”

This question has been burning in your mind ever since you’d learned that he was still alive, but in a coma. What if he had severe memory loss, maybe he wouldn’t even recognize you?

Jesse took a deep breath, uncrossed his legs. “I dunno,” he said softly, “but I’m sure our doc can fix him right up.”

You wanted to believe that so badly, but it was hard to stay positive and not to freak out over the possibilities. 

Suddenly, there was an arm around you, hugging you to Jesse’s side loosely. 

“Hey,” he said quietly and waited for you to look at him. “He’s gonna be fine. Whatever the problem, he’ll make it through.” He smiled softly and squeezed your shoulder with his cybernetic hand. 

You sighed through your nose, answering with a small smile of your own. “I hope you’re right, Jesse.”

“Always am,” he said half-jokingly and let go of you. 

You two sat there for another thirty minutes before finally, you were allowed to see Caleb. 

As you entered his room and you saw him lying there with open eyes, all your anxiety and fear of him dying melted away and had tears running down your face. 

“Come on,” Caleb croaked, a weak smile stretching his gaunt face, “don’t go crying on me now.”

But you couldn’t help it, the tears just kept coming as you approached his bed, hiccups interrupted your laughter of joy. You really wanted to hug him, but were uncertain if it was allowed or not, or if he even wanted to. 

The faked security camera footage they’d shown you at Talon was still burned into your memory, and it felt unreal to see Caleb alive and well again. 

“I’m so glad,” you managed to say between sniffs. 

“Looking good, where were you when the freaking warehouse blew up in my face?” He studied you and coughed a laugh. 

“I used you as a shield, idiot.” You wiped at your face with a sleeve.

“Figured.”

It was as if he’d never been gone for three months, like he’d just woken up from a good night’s sleep. To say you felt relieved was an understatement. 

“So what did I miss?” He winced when he tried to sit up, and stopped trying altogether when his muscles didn’t behave the way he wanted them to. 

“Oh, well…” you tapped your bottom lip in thought. “I’ve only been back for like two months,” _thirty-nine days_ “but Alvarez got promoted, which means we’re dead to him now–you know how he is,” you said jokingly and counted off on your fingers all the changes that had occured in the past few weeks. 

When you’d finished, you watched as Caleb was taking in all the things you’d said. You could see the question forming in his brain even before he spoke it. 

“Were you away?”

You felt your breath stutter. Ah, so he got caught on the being-back-for-only-two-months-part. 

“Y–yeah, kind of.”

“Where were you then? I hope you kicked the assholes responsible for this in the butt.”

“Well, I got… kidnapped by them. Talon abducted me.” This would never get easier, would it.

Caleb stared at you, his shocked expression morphing into one of disbelief. 

“No fucking way.”

You just nodded and averted your eyes.

“Well–how did you–when… I–I mean, _how_?” Gosh, you hoped you weren’t causing him to have an aneurism now. You approached him slowly, trying to calm him down. 

“Look, I’m back and that’s all that matters, right? I think we can talk about this next time, when you haven’t been in a coma for three months and just woken up like an hour ago.”

“It’s two hours, and you bet your ass we’re going to talk about it.” He seemed upset, and it threw you off. You hadn’t anticipated this reaction from him.

“Hey,” Jesse called from the doorframe, hat in hand. “Mind if I come in?”

Caleb huffed upon seeing the other man. 

“McCree, your razor stopped working or what? You’ve never been _that_ scruffy before.”

Jesse chuckled as he stepped inside, his fingers scratching at his beard. 

“Wanted to let it grow until you decide to come back to life,” he said and winked at you before coming to a stop at the foot of the bed. “Seems I won’t have to look like Torbjörn after all.”

Caleb laughed. “You couldn’t pull it off.”

“Aw, come on now.” Jesse put his hands on his hips. “It would look magnificent.”

“You’d look ridiculous,” you sniffed away the remnants of your emotional outburst and hid it behind a smile.

“Alright, two against one is not fair play.” Jesse put his hat back on. “But I guess this bad boy is going to get shaved tonight.”

“Why, what’s tonight?” You asked him. 

“What’s tonight–well, we’re celebrating! Hawthorne is awake, that means it’s time to come together and have a few drinks.” Jesse spoke enthusiastically, waving his arms in the air to emphasize his point. 

“You would party without me?” Caleb sounded confused and a tiny bit hurt. 

“Can’t have you up and drinking already, now can we? You’ll get another party once you’re out of here.” This time Jesse winked at him. 

“Seems like you’re looking for excuses to drink.” 

“No need for excuses,” Jesse stated, cleared his throat and tipped his hat at the other man. “I will toast to your well being later. Come on, let’s give him some rest,” he said while tugging at your arm and leading you outside.

“I’ve been resting for three months, you moron!” Caleb’s voice was surprisingly loud for someone who hadn’t used it in such a long time. 

* * *

“Cheers!” Everyone toasted Caleb, even though he wasn’t even present. It hadn’t been hard for Jesse to convince your fellow squadmates to a night of partying. There hadn’t been much cause for celebration for the past few weeks and people were grateful for an excuse to let loose for a change. 

You didn’t ask Jesse where he had gotten all the booze from, but you were sure that his usual answer would have been to tell you not to worry about it. 

With your favourite drink in hand, already tipsy, you talked to Greene, who was nursing a beer bottle. 

“You talked to Caleb yet?” You asked her, not sure if she’d been able to. 

“Yeah, but just for a minute. He seems well, I’m really happy about it.” She smiled and took a sip, bouncing her head to the music. Luckily, you had been able to talk Jesse out of playing his own playlist, which consisted of his two favorite kinds of music: country _and_ western. 

“Things are looking good for once,” Greene said, still smiling. “I’m going to grab another one, you need something?”

You raised your glass and showed her it was still pretty full, so Greene nodded and left to walk into the small crowd where the drinks were stored. 

Looking around, you saw that everyone was having quite a good time and it filled you with joy at seeing them all like this. From across the room you saw Jesse approaching you, glass of whiskey in one hand, unlit cigarillo in the other.

“Join me outside?” He asked when he was in earshot and you followed him through the doors. 

It was a rather cool night, a clear sky revealed millions of stars, not an unusual sight at the watchpoint. But always breathtakingly beautiful to you. There would never be a time when you would not appreciate it. 

Next to you, Jesse’s face lit up with the fire from his lighter, the distinct clicking sound already familiar from many times spent together like this. He really had shaved, you noticed now. His beard was much shorter than it was this afternoon, neatly trimmed and shaped. 

The cigarillo smoke had been hard to get used to, but now you found you kind of liked the smell, it was distinct _Jesse_. 

“So, how are you holdin’ up, sweet pea?” The question didn’t quite catch you off-guard, Jesse liked to become pretty sentimental in these situations. 

You took a deep breath of fresh air and turned to him. “I’m doing okay, I think.”

“I don’t wanna pry or nothin’, but… what happened after that explosion? Seeing Caleb sure upset you.”

So he had seen your tears.

“As you know, I got hurt and then they took me to their base.” Sometimes you still had phantom pains from being impaled by that steel beam, you rolled your shoulder with the scar in thought.

“Yeah, you told me as much,” he blew out some smoke. “It’s fine if you don’t want to tell ol’ Jesse, really. But you know I’m a good listener. If it helps, I mean…”

You looked at him then, seeing the honest concern for you on his open face put a small smile on your lips. He deserved to know, he hadn’t been part of the people who’d questioned you, and he’d been in the dark for so long. 

“I guess I can tell you.” You went and leaned against the railing from where you had a nice view of the ocean by moonlight not too far away. Jesse followed.

“They made me work for the doctor,” you began, then told him about your time at the lab and what she’d been working on. “I’ve never met anyone quite like her, she was so ruthless, there was no compassion in her.” You would never forget that expression of pure manic glee on her face when she’d sapped Reaper of his life force. 

Jesse frowned as he chewed on his cigarillo. “Reminds me of someone I knew once.”

“Yeah, who?”

“Moira.”

You remembered how the doctor had told you about Dr. Ziegler, and suddenly you knew, even though you’d never heard her first name.

“Moira O’Deorain?”

Jesse stopped chewing, his mouth formed a grim line and he nodded. 

“Of course she’s with fucking _Talon_ now,” he grumbled to himself.

“Did you work with her?”

“We were a team once. Genji, the commander, her, and me. Blackwatch strike team number one.”

“Genji was in Blackwatch?”

“Yep.”

It was not common knowledge who had been a part of Overwatch’s former black ops division. You’d worked with Genji a few times already, he was definitely the silent type, but you’d never have guessed that he’d already been around this long. 

“Huh, figures. The _ninja.”_

“I know, right?” Jesse laughed and took another drag from the cigarillo. “He hasn’t changed much since then, either. But he used to be a lot more unstable, I’ll tell you that.”

“Unstable?”

“He sometimes got into these rages that nobody could get him out of. It was frustrating to be honest, I tried to help him sometimes but I didn’t have any luck in calming him down.”

“That sounds incredibly dangerous.”

Jesse raised his brows. “Oh, it was. But the commander liked his stealth and quiet way of dealing with enemies. The fits of rage were just a minor problem to him, he usually managed to stay calm during missions.”

His commander.

You had your suspicions, but not sure if you were ready to acknowledge them yet. Although…

“So… your commander…”

“Yeah,” Jesse’s face fell a little, he flicked away the ash from his cigarillo. “He was the one who wanted me in Blackwatch.”

You didn’t dare to breathe. 

“Said he saw potential in me.” He sounded wistful. “Picked me up when I was at my lowest. If it hadn’t been for him I’d probably have died in a ditch somewhere.”

“That sounds–” you searched for the right words, “–admirable.”

Jesse gave a humorless laugh. “Sure, if the alternative hadn’t been me going into max security prison.”

You let that sink in a moment. Had they blackmailed Jesse into joining Overwatch?

“Why would they do that?”

“I was in the Deadlock gang, sweet pea.” He took a long drag from the cigarillo. “Wasn’t a saint, exactly.”

Oh. You had not known this. You’d make sure to ask him about his time in Deadlock at a later time. 

You studied his features as he was looking at the stars, smoke billowing around his face. It was hard to think of Reaper as anything but the monster he had become. He had picked _you_ up, too. Without him you probably would have died as well. The parallels made you queasy. 

“What happened with your commander?” Your voice was so small.

Jesse heaved a great sigh. “Somewhere along the way he forgot about his humanity, I guess. Stopped talking to us, kept to himself and I’m pretty sure Moira did something to him.” His face scrunched up, he took one last long drag from the cigarillo and flicked the rest of it over the railing. Both of you watched it spiral down the cliff, only the small red light at the end giving away its position, until it disappeared from view completely. 

Absentmindedly, you stroked your right arm. It was still discolored at the fingertips, your veins were visible through your skin in stark purple contrast. You liked to wear long sleeved shirts and gloves sometimes so you didn’t have to see it. You knew first hand what Moira’s technologies and experiments were capable of. 

“One day he invites me to beers and _carnitas_ , the next he almost rips my throat out for the smallest shit.” He sniffed once. “Genji’s outbursts were nothing compared to Gabe’s.”

Hot and cold shivers ran down your spine at hearing his name, the alcohol in your system made you flush, your hands curled around the railing.

“S–so is he...” You didn’t look at Jesse as you asked him, not wanting him to see the emotions on your face. 

“Dead? Yeah.”

Your heart almost stopped. But then Jesse went on.

“At least officially.” A scoff. “Bastard is as dead as Jack is.”

Without even thinking about it you spoke what was on your mind right then. 

“Yeah, except that Morrison is not a wraith.”

Jesse sputtered. “What?”

All the color drained from your face. _Well, shit._

“I mean…” Wow, you had no clue how to explain this. 

Jesse’s flesh and bone hand landed on your shoulder, gently turning you towards him. There was concern written all over his face. 

“Have you–is he with Talon?” It sounded like he wanted you to confirm a very old suspicion of his, his usually gentle brown eyes were blown wide in the subtle light of the moon, he was searching your face for answers to questions he didn’t dare say out loud. 

Your heart was beating faster, something inside you urging to stop this, to tell him that no, you had no idea if his former commander was with Talon, that you’d never actually heard of him. End it right here. 

But that other part of you, the one that had your heart clenching at Jesse’s desperate need for clarification, to put his mind at ease in that his hunch had been right… it wanted you to tell him the truth. Even more, tell him what he’d done to you, tell him that Gabriel had fallen to the “dark side”. But you wouldn’t go that far, of course. 

“Reaper,” you whispered, and you could see how Jesse’s face turned from shock into resignation to hearing you confirm his fear. 

Slowly, his hand slid away from you and instead he used it to remove his hat. His unruly, but shorter hair, sprang free and he pulled his other hand through the locks with a heavy sigh. 

“Gosh darnit.” He sounded so defeated. “Part of me always believed that he was a good man until the end.”

“I guess the Gabriel you knew actually did die,” you said quietly, the feeling of his name on your tongue foreign and weird. He would always be Reaper to you. 

“Guess so.” Jesse said and scratched his beard in that habit of his. “There was a reason why I left Overwatch before it fell to shit.”

The Swiss headquarters explosion, the one that hammered the final nail into Overwatch’s coffin all those years ago. You knew that Jesse had left beforehand, because he couldn’t stand the infighting anymore. 

“So why _did_ you come back, anyway?” It had never occured to you to ask.

“Well,” he exhaled loudly, “they asked me.”

You waited a moment to see if there was going to be more, but Jesse didn’t continue. 

“What?” You laughed. “So that’s all it took?”

He smiled as he winked at you. “Never could turn down an honest cry for help.”

You thought about all the times he’d helped you in the past. They were quite numerous and he’d never asked for anything in return, even though you’d offered. He really was a kind hearted person. A warmth spread in your chest at that realization, not entirely the alcohol’s fault. 

“You are a peculiar man, Jesse McCree,” you said into the night, taking a sip from your drink.

“Why is that?” His voice was so warm and gentle. 

A distinct sadness crept up from deep inside you.

“I just think that kindness is a very rare commodity these days,” you said and watched as you swirled the liquid inside the glass in your hand. “At one point I wasn’t sure if it still even existed.”

_A cruel hand in your hair pressing your cheekbone painfully into a hardwood surface. “This isn’t personal.” The looming threat of violence._

You scrunched your eyes closed and downed the rest of your drink in one go. 

“Tell me something, Jesse.” The alcohol not only made you bold, it made you miserable. “Why do people take advantage of others?” It almost sounded like an accusation, like it was Jesse who’d done these things to you–which was fucking absurd. 

He was looking at you with pity now, and you absolutely hated that. “No–no, wait. Don’t answer that.” You inhaled shakily. “Never mind, I’m sorry.” You were such an _idiot._

As you looked away from him again, you began to hate yourself for letting this slip, you shouldn’t have put this on him. It was not his fault that any of that shit happened, none at all. And yet here you were, asking him philosophical questions that only served to make any situation uncomfortable. 

Long seconds passed without anyone of you talking, the silence was becoming unbearable and you felt the urge to flee, when suddenly you heard Jesse step a little closer to you.

Wordlessly, he put his hands on your upper arms from behind gently, and when you didn’t push him away, he embraced you slowly, carefully. 

It felt like your heart might burst.

“Whatever happened to you,” he said, very quietly into your hair, “it’s over now.” He gave a small kiss to the top of your head. “I’m here, whatever you need, all you gotta do is ask.”

Again, you screwed your eyes closed at the tears threatening to spill from them. Emotion made your throat hurt, a knot forming that prevented you from answering. You grabbed his forearm with your free hand, squeezing it in acknowledgment.

Finally, you found your voice again. 

“You don’t know what I’ve done to get out of there…” Why were you telling him this? If you kept going in that direction you’d spill it all… and you weren’t ready for that.

“It doesn’t matter. You’re back and that’s all that counts.”

“But–”

“You had to survive, whatever it was that you did, it was for _survival.”_

His voice was a little shaky with emotion, the way he said that last sentence made you wonder whom he’d said it to, you or himself?

As you two stood at the railing, the cliffs and ocean waves beneath you, the moon and stars above, you really let his words sink in. While you were still unbelievably horrified at your own actions, the rest was true. It _was_ over now, you _were_ safe. There was no room for doubt that Jesse would do anything in his power to prevent any harm being done to you. He had your back, and you had his. 

With a sniff, you leaned back into his chest. This was the first real physical contact that you’d had in two months, you’d been anxious to touch other people for weeks. But with Jesse it felt so natural, inevitable. 

“Thank you, Jesse. I can always count on you,” you whispered. 

“Of course,” he answered and hugged you a little closer. He was so warm, his presence so comforting. You were so incredibly grateful in this moment, the booze in your bloodstream elevating that weird artificial euphoria. 

The glass slid out of your hand and into the black abyss of the cliffs beneath, any sound lost amidst the crashing waves as you turned around in the two strong arms surrounding you, one metal and the other flesh and bone. You hugged him back, burying your face in the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent: smoked cedar and autumn rain, a faint lingering cologne applied this morning. All you wanted to do right now was to climb into his arms completely and forget about the world. 

A few stray tears did escape when he squeezed you into him, one hand gently carding through your hair, it was such a nice feeling to be held like this, to feel so safe and… loved. 

“Jesse…” You didn’t even know what you wanted to convey, but you felt like you had to say _something._

“It’s alright, sweet pea. I’m here.” The sincerity in his voice stole your breath away. What had you done to deserve such a friend like him?

“Hey, Jess–” Somebody called out from the door and you stiffened, you’d completely forgotten that there were still the others just behind the doors. 

“Later,” Jesse interrupted him without turning around, still holding you in his arms. 

“Oh, ah… okay.” The other man disappeared inside again, you’d heard how the sounds from within became muted once more with the door closed. 

Releasing a breath, you loosened your hold on him and he did as well, until you faced each other again. You gave him a weak smile before he reached up with his warm fingers and brushed at your wet cheek, then cradled your face in his palm. 

“Can I kiss you?” He proposed all of a sudden, and you blushed fiercely at his husky voice. 

You blamed the alcohol in this moment but–who were you kidding–you’d wanted to do this for a while now. 

Instead of answering him, you surged forward and pressed your trembling lips to his tentatively. You could feel the smile on his face as he exhaled through his nose in a small laugh of joy. This little action made your heart flutter, his warm lips were plush and soft against yours, his beard tickled a little, but you were too occupied with the sensations of him, the feel, the smell. Cautiously, you opened your mouth and he mimicked your action, allowing you to slip your tongue inside and get a _taste_ as well. 

It didn’t last long, soon your guilt had caught up again, reminding you that Jesse was not here to make you forget the terrible things you’d done with a terrible man in a terrible, _terrible_ place. He was not a tool for you to feel whole again. A sob was climbing up your chest and you pulled away reluctantly, impossibly soft brown eyes staring at you though dark lashes. 

You tried to cover your grief with a shy smile, but Jesse had already caught your slip-up, his eyes squinting at you. 

_Fuck_ , he didn’t deserve this. You were a colossal fool. 

Jesse cleared his throat when you looked at the floor. “Would you, ah… would you like another drink?” He nodded at the cliffs behind you and you turned around in realization.

“Oh, shit. I dropped the fucking glass.” You exclaimed, mildly horrified. 

“You did,” he laughed and threw his arm around your shoulders, already leading you back inside. “But… it’ll stay between the two of us,” he said quietly, ambiguously, before opening the doors. 

* * *

You were bored out of your mind. It had been at least eight hours of sitting around in a deserted apartment building on the outskirts of Dorado. Jesse was sitting at your side, chewing on the fourth cigarillo of the day. 

“Ugh, can’t we just call it off already? There’s obviously nothing here,” you complained to your partner, fully aware that it wasn’t his call to make at all. Jesse just chuckled as he produced his zippo and lit the cigarillo. 

“Wish it were that easy,” he said while exhaling the smoke from his lungs. The two of you were stationed nearby a rumored hideout of Los Muertos, the infamous criminals plaguing Mexico. From here you were supposed to be backup for strike team Omega currently trying to pinpoint the gang’s specific location. The last you had heard from team Omega had been an hour ago when they had told you for the fifth time that day that they hadn’t found anything yet. 

“Come on, let me call the Captain, tell her that this is a lost cause.” You sighed and went over to where Jesse was sitting, plopping down next to him and swiping the blasted cigarillo from his hand just to cause trouble, you were _that_ bored. When you took a cautious pull on the thing it immediately sent you into a coughing fit, much to the amusement of Jesse. 

“Careful, sweet pea,” he chuckled and took the cigarillo away from you again. 

“Ugh!” You spat out. “How can you smoke these so much? They’re disgusting.”

“It’s an acquired taste,” he countered and winked at you while dragging at the end pointedly. As if on their own, your eyes dropped to where his mouth wrapped in a perfect ‘o’ around the cigarillo, watching as his cheeks hollowed and how his lips pursed when he blew the smoke out. 

You couldn’t help but remember the kiss you two had shared on that night just a few days ago, neither of you had brought it up again, and you weren’t sure if it had changed things between you or not. The thought made you a little uncomfortable, did Jesse regret asking you for that kiss? Did he even remember or had you two been too drunk?

Quickly, you averted your gaze. 

“They’re bad for you anyway,” You said offhandedly, looking anywhere but at the man beside you. 

“Oh come on. I know, I know. Doc’s been preaching to me ever since I got back into Overwatch,” Jesse said and leaned back on the dusty couch you two were currently sitting on. 

“Why not stop then?” 

He looked at you, then at the cigarillo. 

“Dunno… I just like ‘em.”

“Huh,” you said lamely and picked at a loose thread on your shirt absentmindedly. 

You settled into silence once more, but as you looked around for the hundredth time, you remembered that you meant to ask Jesse about something. 

“Did you… start smoking in Deadlock?” Your pulse quickened a little when you asked him. The last time you talked at the party Jesse had let slip that he had been a part of the gang. Up until now you hadn’t had an opportunity to bring it up again. 

“Yeah, I guess.” He pulled the cigarillo from his mouth and regarded it thoughtfully while it was perched between his forefinger and thumb. 

“So… how did you end up in there anyway?” Your eyes flitted from his hand up to his face again and you could see the small frown creasing his brow. 

“I knew this girl when I was a kid, her name was Ashe. She and I kinda grew up together.” He flicked away the ash on the end of the cigarillo. “We were like pitch and sulfur. Up to no good.” A wistful smile graced his features, reminiscing the good old days. “One day she just up and disappeared. We must have been around fourteen or something. And then she came back another day, telling me stories of this place in the gorge, about some guys she’d met and that they were planning on robbing someone.”

You waited as he took another drag from the cigarillo. 

“I was young and a fool and I thought it all sounded amazing, a way to get off the farm and into a better life.” 

Somehow you could vividly imagine a teenaged Jesse McCree, walking around with a cowboy hat and spurs. The thought was hilarious, but fortunately you managed to not show your amusement. 

“What was it like being there?” All you’d ever heard of the Deadlock gang had been a few snippets here and there, nothing substantial. 

“It had its ups and downs I suppose,” Jesse looked at the floor, the cigarillo currently forgotten, its smoke rising slowly. “Ashe wanted us both to be the gang’s leaders, but it took some convincin’ these guys.” 

You listened in rapt attention. 

“Long story short, we were criminals. Robbing and blackmail were our specialty.” He sounded resentful as he told you of his past. 

When he at last took another drag from the cigarillo, you whistled low. 

“Did you like it?”

His gaze slid to yours.

“Loved it,” he deadpanned, and you swallowed in surprise. 

“I was sixteen and an outlaw, part of a big gang of thugs who did whatever the hell they wanted. I felt like a king.”

Of course, it made sense when he put it like that. Which teenager did not dream of being their own boss? You gently shook your head as you tried to wrap your head around the concept of Jesse being a criminal. Sweet, warm Jesse with his southern drawl and big arms that could hug you so close and tight you instantly felt at home. 

“Do you think you’d have said goodbye to that life on your own eventually, without Reyes’ help?” You were glad you managed to say Reaper’s real name without stumbling over it. 

“Dunno… it’s hard to say.” He fell silent and suddenly you weren’t sure if asking him that had been a good idea. 

“Well, _I_ think so!” You were convinced that Jesse had simply been misled, that he’d have found the right path on his own. 

Jesse gave you a half smile at that. “Thanks, sweet pea.”

“I mean, you were young and stupid, we all did shit in our teens, right?”

This time Jesse actually laughed as he put out the cigarillo on the floor beneath his boot. 

“You’re giving me too much credit. I might have left that life behind me, but I think I’m still stupid,” he said proudly and tipped his hat at you. 

“If you insist…”

Both of your laughter faded into a comfortable silence this time. 

“So what about you? Been a part of an infamous smuggling ring yourself?” 

You just shook your head and explained your life up until you’d become a part of Overwatch. “Compared to yours, my life was pretty boring.” Up until you’d been kidnapped at least. 

_Don’t go there,_ you reminded yourself. 

“Aw, I’m sure life with you can’t be boring.”

“Oh, you haven’t seen me on my day off. All I do is sit around in my pajamas and watch vids. I’d say that’s pretty boring.”

“Are you kidding me? It sounds perfect. Let’s spend the next day off together,” he said half jokingly, keeping you guessing if he was actually proposing the idea or was just wondering out loud. But before you knew it you agreed. 

“Sure! We can watch spaghetti westerns, if you like.”

Jesse grabbed your hand all of a sudden. 

“Careful, sweet pea. Or I might fall in love with you,” he winked and took off his hat to put it on his chest, right over his heart. 

You blinked a few times, taken aback by his unexpected declaration. 

“Stop that,” you snatched your hand away with a blush and swatted at his stupid hat playfully. “I mean it, we can get some terrible takeout and watch terrible movies, it’ll be fun!”

“I’ll be there,” Jesse smiled as he put on his hat again. “I’m warning you though, I don’t actually own pajamas.”

“Yeah, somehow I didn’t think you would.”

“Why, how do you think I sleep at night?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe with heart print shorts?”

Jesse laughed. “Do I look like a cartoon character to you?”

“A little,” you joked and laughed. “Tell me then, how _do_ you sleep?” 

“Well, I prefer to sleep in nothing, actually.”

Oh.

Now that was… unexpected. Heat rose to your cheeks again and you averted your face with a forced little laugh.

“That’s, uh…”

“Unusual?”

“I… guess.”

Jesse burst out laughing at that. “Oh lord, I was just teasin’ ya.” He even slapped his thigh. “I wear underwear to bed.” 

“Oh, I hate you sometimes,” you exclaimed and threw a cushion at Jesse who was still in stitches over his _hilarious_ prank.

“I’m sorry, your reaction was priceless.”

The heat on your cheeks was still burning hotly, the image of Jesse in bed without anything on evoking certain feelings inside. 

“Hey, stop thinking of me in the nude,” he nudged your side.

“I’ll think of whatever I like, cowboy!”

Jesse fake gasped at that. “How dare you? Well, then I will do the same.”

“Nuh-uh!” You got close to Jesse on the couch, poking a finger in his chest.

“What? You even have an advantage, you’ve seen me naked before.”Jesse was still laughing. 

“Oh no, not that again. How many more times do I have to apologize for walking in on you?”

“Relax, I’m kidding,” he said and reached for your hand that was still pressing a forefinger into his chest. He took your hand in his gently, then the other as you just sat there, watching. Now he held both your hands in his, his elbows on his knees, looking at you with impossibly soft brown eyes. 

“It’s okay. I bet whatever I imagine would pale in comparison to the truth.”

You just stared at him.

So, he just dropped this on you and you were supposed to answer it? Like a normal human being? As if what he just said wasn’t like the sweetest shit ever?

“Your charm won’t work on me, Jesse,” you lied to save face. 

He hummed in curiosity as he regarded your hands currently held in his. “It worked the last time.”

Before you could ask what he meant, he went on. “When I asked you for a kiss.”

Oh, right. Smartass.

“Well, it won’t work a second time.”

“Oh?” He pulled you into him gently, giving you the opportunity to stop him, but you didn’t. Instead, you watched his face dazedly as he was coming ever closer to you. 

His soft lips brushed over yours lightly, tingling pleasantly and sending shivers down your whole body. 

“A shame you’re immune to my charms,” he murmured against your mouth and you chuckled happily. 

“Not a chance,” you whispered back and sealed your mouth over his, deepening the kiss some more. It felt so incredibly nice to sit together like this, kissing each other unhurriedly, exploring the other’s intimate space like this. You gently untangled one of your hands from his, bringing it up to brush over his neck and behind his head to get a better grip on him. You wanted Jesse close, much closer than this. It felt too good, _he_ felt too good. 

A quiet beeping sound interrupted your musings and you fell away with a groan. Bloody typical. Had another hour gone by already?

Jesse was watching you through hooded eyes, that small smirk still playing around his lips. “You want me to answer that call?”

“No, it’s fine,” you sighed and were already on your way to the communicator you had left on the table in the other corner of the room. With a huff you put the device against your ear and accepted the call.

“ _Traynor here,”_ one of the strike team Omega agents sounded on the other end of the line. 

“Report,” you said and rolled your eyes in Jesse’s direction to show him it was the usual hourly update. He nodded and turned around to check something on a holopad. 

“ _Status unchanged, will make contact in one hour again. Over and out.”_

“Copy that,” you answered and wanted to remove the communicator, but a strange sound on the line made you hesitate. It was a mix between white noise and static. 

“Traynor?” You asked, but it wasn’t Traynor who answered you. 

“ _Hola, chica. Miss me?”_

Your heart seemed to stop. The voice was slightly distorted, but you instantly knew whom it belonged to. 

“ _No need to say anything, I’m just supposed to tell you that you have to go to the pay phone across the street,”_ Sombra said, her tone clipped and aloof as usual. “ _Oh, and don’t tell your partner if you want him to live.”_

With that the line went dead. 

_Oh no, oh no, no, no, no_ … had Talon found you? Ogundimu was finally going to kill you, you were certain of it. Cold dread settled in your stomach like a familiar unwanted guest. He was going to get his revenge. 

“Everything alright?” Jesse sounded concerned from his place on the couch, his face softly illuminated by the dull light from the holopad. For a moment you just stared at him, your mind racing with fear and possibilities. 

_Don’t tell your partner if you want him to live._

Fuck!

“Jesse, I–I think I have to use the bathroom.”

“Oh? Is it an emergency?” He joked and you managed a forced smile back. 

“Yeah, something like that. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay then,” he said and turned around again much to your relief. 

The communicator disappeared inside your pocket, you’d take it with you if Sombra called again. On quick feet you went outside into the dark alleys of Dorado, cats and rats skittering away as you made your way around the corner. 

From across the street you could see the pay phone that Sombra had mentioned. But as you really focused on it you stopped in your tracks. What were you doing? Walking into a trap most likely! It was too quiet, the faint sounds of late night activity were drowned out by your own blood rushing in your ears. 

There was no telling what was going to happen, why the pay phone? Were you supposed to meet Ogundimu here, so he could kill you, or worse, abduct you again?

You shivered in the cool night air, suddenly very anxious to get closer to that phone. 

You jumped when the phone suddenly rang. It was loud and seemed to grow ever louder the longer you just stood and stared at it. 

_Make it stop,_ you thought. But the only way it would stop was if you answered it, you realized. On shaky legs you got closer, looking around you all the while, certain you were being watched. 

The ringing was penetrating your skull, drilling in your ears in its deafening shrillness. When you picked up the receiver and the sound stopped it was so quiet you could hear your own accelerated breathing. 

Slowly, you raised the phone to your ear, pressing it against the side of your head while staring at the digital display in front of you that read _incoming anonymous call_.

“H–hello?” Your voice was so small you weren’t sure anyone on the other end would have been able to hear you.

“Hello, _mariquita,”_ it sounded directly from behind you. The receiver dropped from your hand and your knees buckled in recognition. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has been commenting so far, I’m glad so many of you wanted to read more in this universe with our lovely cowboy ❤️
> 
> As always, find me on tumblr: danjo-ao3

“Hello,  _ mariquita.” _

The world stood still as the receiver seemed to slide from your hand in slow motion. A million memories bombarded you at once at the gravelly sound of Reaper’s voice. 

You had hoped to never see him again, a scream of shock was working its way up your sternum, but you slapped a hand over your mouth just in time as you whirled around to see the dark figure of your nightmares emerging from the shadows. 

He was dressed in his usual black outfit, complete with his trademark white mask. His head tilted to the side as black mist was billowing around him, it was more of it than you’d seen before, almost hiding him from view in the way he melted into the shadows. 

“What are you doing here, all alone in a deserted alley?” He kept advancing on you but stopped when you took a few cautious steps backwards. 

You just shook your head in denial, palm still firmly plastered over your mouth. This couldn’t be fucking real. Why had he come back? He had let you go!

“In no mood to talk?” His mask temporarily swiveled to the side as a rat was running past him, spooked by your presence. He sounded disappointed. 

Finally, you lowered your shaking hand, allowing you to breathe deeply through your mouth. 

“You know damn well why I’m here.” The bitterness in your voice was even stronger than the fear. He was acting like it hadn’t been his plan to get you alone. 

“You’re with Overwatch again.”

You nodded. 

“Should’ve stayed away.”

When he got no answer out of you, he took another step forward, and you one back. Two, three, four steps and then your back hit the cold brick wall. One of your hands shot up to signal him to stop. He did. 

“You let me go,” you breathed, your heart hammering in your chest, every instinct screaming at you to flee. 

“I did,” Reaper said, some of the tension in his shoulders eased at the admission. 

“Then why are you here?” You asked, but feared the answer so much your whole body was trembling. What if he wanted to kidnap you again? Or give you to Ogundimu in an effort to redeem himself? The terrifying possibilities seemed endless. 

Reaper was clenching and unclenching his fist, the white mask tilting toward the ground and as if he couldn’t find the answers he was looking for there, turned to look at the star lit sky instead. 

When his gaze finally settled on you again, he sighed. 

“I missed you.”

The  _ audacity. _

You scoffed. “Yeah, right. You miss my healing powers, you mean.”

Reaper averted his face once more, the leather of his gloves creaking with the way his claws pressed into his palms. 

“Does it matter?”

You waited a heart beat, thinking over his question. 

“What do you want?” You were growing increasingly anxious, your heart was beating frantically and the fear sat like a burning hot coal in your stomach. 

“Leave Overwatch.”

What?

“Why?”

“Because they’re Talon’s target. They will attack.”

Your brows shot up. 

“How would you even know?” After knocking out Ogundimu like he had to–you hated to admit–save you, there was just no way he had welcomed Reaper back into the organization.

Reaper shifted subtly. “I have my sources.”

Squinting your eyes at him, you remembered something. 

“Sombra,” you whispered. She’d said she was just a freelancer. So she really wasn’t loyal to anyone but herself, huh? 

“Overwatch is doomed,” he said in his rough voice, taking a step towards you. 

“Then I will fight with them,” you said with conviction. They’d done so much for you, every one of them! How could you leave them in times of need?  _ Never could turn down an honest cry for help. _ Jesse’s words played in your mind. 

Jesse. Was he still at the apartment? How long had you been gone for now? What if he came looking for you? You needed to end this conversation quickly. 

“Don’t be a fool,” Reaper sounded upset as he came closer yet again, while you flattened yourself to the wall behind you. Ah, it would always be like this with him, wouldn’t it?

You laughed bitterly. “You’re asking me to abandon the very people who helped me the most in my life. My f-family.”

That gave Reaper pause, he was in arm’s reach now. 

“Don’t delude yourself. They are  _ not _ your friends _.” _ Now it was his turn to sound bitter. 

You looked at him incredulously. “...and you  _ are _ ?” After everything he’d done to you!

The final step into your personal space sent you reeling, his hands were hovering at his sides yet, trembling in uncertainty. The chilly air between you grew warmer, your breath visible in puffs whirling and mixing with his black mist. You stared straight ahead at his armored chest, unwilling to face the coldness of that mask again. 

“You know why I let you go,” he said, his deep voice rumbling right through you. 

_ –I don’t want you...to die. _

You screwed your eyes shut. It was what he’d told you the very day you’d regained your freedom, at the edge of the forest. 

“Stop,” you pleaded, bringing your hands up to hide your face behind them. “Stop pretending like you care for me.” Your words were muffled and teary. 

“But I do,” he murmured, his tone warmer all of a sudden and you could also feel the pointy tips of his claws against your hip. 

“I miss you,  _ mariquita,” _ he breathed against your ear, both of his clawed hands now traveling up your sides. “I miss your touch.”

Oh  _ god. _

Your body was reacting against your will, it remembered the pleasure he had given you, unperturbed by the emotional trauma it had caused as well. Tingling sensations traveled from where he was touching you and his warm breath tickled your neck through his damned mask. 

“I let you go on the one condition that you stay away from Overwatch.” His mask pressed against your cheek cooly. “But you went and got yourself into danger again.”

You sobbed. 

“Makes me wonder if you did that on purpose.” His claws ghosted over your fingers before removing your hands from your face. 

“Not everything is about you,” you retorted, scowling at him. He loosely held your hands in his gloved palms, the pointy ends scratching over your skin pleasantly and raising goosebumps on your arms. Suddenly you noticed how his poise was different somehow, the scratching of his one forefinger was slowly turning rather painful. 

“Are you with someone?”

It took you a few seconds to fight the frustration and indignation gnawing at you and telling you to hit him. What good would it do? He was wearing armor for crying out loud. 

“What?”

“Is it someone in Overwatch?” He kept pressing without a pause.

“I–I don’t see how that is any of your business?!” Was your voice a little shriller than before? Ugh.

He studied your face for a moment, you could tell by the way his mask kept moving. 

“That smell,” he murmured to himself. Shit, he must have smelled Jesse’s cigarillo smoke on you, maybe more of him… 

“No,” he said darkly in realization, suddenly gripping your arms tightly and pushing you against the wall. “McCree,” he spat his name like a curse, the claws digging into your shirt painfully. “The damn ingrate.”

You looked at him with big eyes, trying to discern what he was on about. 

“Are you fucking him?” 

You flinched hard at his crude words and the accusation behind then. How dare he? 

“Fuck you!” Was all you could say to that, tears of anger at the corners of your eyes. You started to struggle against his hold, but he let go of you almost instantly. 

The tension in his shoulders had traveled to the rest of his body as well, he looked positively menacing–not that he didn’t before–it simply was more prominent now. You hated how small he always managed to make you feel. 

“I’ll tell you one last time,” he hissed. “Leave Overwatch.”

You said nothing as you stared up at him, the conviction to stay growing stronger by the second. 

Reaper’s fists were shaking. The last time you’d seen this level of frustration with him was when you two had fled from Talon and you kept asking him about where he was planning to take you. 

“What will you do now?” You asked, aware of the parallels. 

He shifted, dirt and gravel crunching under his heavy boots. 

“He will do nothing!” Jesse shouted from the entrance of the alley, and not a heartbeat later a gunshot rang loudly in your ears. You gasped at the sound of the shot. The bullet hit Reaper in the back and he emitted an otherworldly howl at the impact. 

He whirled around towards Jesse, who had his revolver cocked and ready again, aiming at the masked mercenary. 

“Don’t make me do this,” Jesse warned him from where he was standing, his shiny gun glinting in the light from the single street lamp overhead. Only a small tremor in his arms betrayed his reluctance to kill his former mentor and friend. 

“You always were too soft… sentimental,” Reaper ground out, obviously in pain. “Always aiming to incapacitate instead of going–” he winced, “–for the kill.”

“Jesse, no!” You yelled at your partner, “you cannot kill him!”

“What the hell happened to you, Reyes?” Jesse’s voice was shaking, this was the first time he was face to face with his former commander after he became Reaper. 

“Spare me the emotional outburst, McCree,” Reaper huffed, obviously annoyed at seeing his old protegé. 

“Leave or I’ll shoot again. And this time it will be your head,” Jesse said solemnly, raising his gun in emphasis. 

Reaper just chuckled darkly, waves of his mist rising from him, specifically from the wound in his back. Your fingers itched to heal him… what was wrong with you? Well, you were still a healer. 

“Step away from her,” Jesse tried again.

“Jesse…” you pleaded with him. There was nothing he could do, he would only end up dead if he kept this up. You knew firsthand that Reaper was practically immortal.

Reaper’s head swayed from him towards you, and back. 

“Does he know?” He suddenly asked you and the blood in your veins turned to ice. No, he couldn’t do this! Reaper couldn’t tell Jesse about what you did with him. 

Your body started to shake uncontrollably, a few spare tears ran down your cheeks at the memories that kept coming. Defeated, you closed your eyes and shook your head once. 

“The hell are you on about? Do I know what?” Jesse asked, but it seemed to click for him after that. “Whatever she’s done,”  _ you don’t know what I’ve done to get out of there, _ “I don’t care. Unless she wants to tell me.”

Jesse...

Reaper laughed bitterly, his owlish mask staring at you as he was trying to downplay the pain he was in. 

“Isn’t he adorable?” He asked you. “Such a knight in shining armor, rescuing the princess f–from the evil… evil dragon.” He coughed at the end, Jesse must have hit his lungs. “Do you think he will look at you the same?”

Your heart broke at Reaper’s words, because they rang true in your ears. Of course not. Jesse would think you disgusting, someone who got her freedom in exchange for not just her body, but her soul as well. He wouldn’t be so blunt about it though, he would let you down kindly, telling you something along the lines of that he’s not looking for anything serious right now and he’d like for you to stay friends. And then even that friendship would deteriorate because it would hurt you too much that he knows. 

“Reyes,” Jesse ground out through his teeth. “Shut your fucking mouth.”

Reaper’s head swiveled around to the gunslinger again, his shoulders heaving. 

You were still pressed against the wall, but now it was because you needed the support. Inside, your mind was screaming in agony, your body felt too tight, everything hurt. 

Reaper coughed again, whirling around to you once more. 

“Don’t forget,  _ mariquita.” _ He wheezed. “You’re mine.”

And with that he exploded into smoke right before your eyes. Only the small tinkling sound of the bullet dropping onto the paved ground gave away that a mere second ago Reaper was standing right in that spot. 

Eyes glued to the bullet, you didn’t even hear how Jesse came rushing over to you.

“Sweet pea, are you alright?” He sounded frantic. 

Finally, you tore your gaze away. His usually soft eyes were tinged with worry as they searched your face in the half darkness of the alley. 

“I’m…” you didn’t know what to say. You were not alright. The very man–no, scratch that– _ demon, _ who had abducted and hurt you beyond measure had returned to tell you he was still considering you his property. This wasn’t freedom at all. 

A violent tremor ran through you as you were enveloped in big, strong arms. 

“It’s alright. I won’t let anything happen to you, you hear me?”

But you didn’t really hear anything Jesse was saying. Your mind was too busy to scream on the inside. It was a mantra of  _ why _ and  _ how _ and  _ no.  _

Quickly, but carefully Jesse led you out of the alley and back to the apartment. On your way there he already contacted Overwatch headquarters asking for extraction. 

* * *

The continuous drum of the ship was drilling into your skull, but the monotony was strangely comforting. You sat away from Jesse, wanting desperately to be close to him, but too afraid of the questions he was bound to have for you. Obviously, he had been able to hear what Reaper had said. 

_ Does he know? _

Now he definitely did. 

With a heavy sigh you lay your head in your hands. What a nightmare. 

“Hey.”

You looked up again at Jesse who was already standing up and moving towards you, grabbing the safety nets hanging above. You were alone on the small carrier. The only other passenger was the pilot in his cockpit.

“Can I?” Jesse asked as he motioned to the empty space beside you. 

You nodded and made some more room for him. The ship lurched a little, swaying to the side, but he managed to sit down with a bit of breathing room between you two. 

Eyes still downcast you wondered when he was going to ask all those questions, a dull ache forming in your head at the prospect. 

_ What happened between you and Reaper? _

_ What did he mean by you’re his? _

_ What did you do to get out? _

_ Why was he following you? _

_ Why– _

“Why did you go alone?”

You looked up at him then, a sadness on his face you’ve never seen before. Of all the things you thought he’d ask… of course it was this. 

“Said you’d get killed if I told you.”

“Talon said that?”

“Uh… no. It–it’s a bit more complicated than that.”

“Well,” he began and propped up a leg on the bench beside him, “We have some time before we touch down.” This was the first time that Jesse was adamant about something towards you, he usually backed off when you showed signs that you weren’t in the mood to talk about something. But now he seemed concerned.

“I have reason to assume that Reaper is not a part of Talon anymore.”

“Yeah, you said that before. Care to explain what you mean by that?”

You cast uncertain eyes towards him, wondering if Jesse was pissed at you or Reaper, or both. 

“I... saw him fighting with Doomfist.”

Jesse squinted at you, the gears in his head turning. 

“So you’re saying they had a falling out?”

“Yeah, kinda.”

He raised his brows.

“I’m saying Reaper literally knocked him out.”

“Oh, so they  _ fought _ fought.”

You nodded.

“Do you know why? I mean, that’s good news. Talon is becoming unstable.”

Why they’d been fighting? Oh damnit, what could you tell him without revealing the truth? On the other hand… surely he must have figured it out by now?

“I...don’t know what it was.”

Jesse sighed through his nose. Before he could think more on it you changed the subject. 

“But Reaper said that Talon is planning to attack Overwatch.”

“Huh,” Jesse looked at the ceiling. “Of course he wouldn’t tell you that if he was still with Talon… unless it’s a trick.”

You shrugged. “Don’t think it is.”

Jesse side eyed you. “No?”

This time it was you who sighed. “Look, when I was there, I was his… personal healer. I got to know him quite intimately.”

Jesse’s face darkened at the way you tried to word that weird arrangement you’d had, his mouth had formed into a grim line and his right hand clenched into a fist. 

“Should have put that bullet in his head,” he spoke through clenched teeth. 

“But that’s what I’m telling you; he can’t be killed.”

“Nonsense.” He wasn’t even looking at you, his gaze full of pent up rage. Probably already plotting Reaper’s demise. 

“That doctor, Moira? She did something to him, made him into a wraith.”

That startled Jesse enough that he looked at you again, a deep frown etched onto his face. 

“Pardon?”

“You haven’t seen what I’ve seen… one time he–it was horrifying–he was more the concept of a human than anything. Half his torso was missing, and always that black mist. He had been able to regenerate enough that all I had to do was speed up the process. By all means, he should have been dead.”

Jesse was thinking about what you said, uneasily shifting next to you. 

“There must be a way, everyone can be killed.”

“I’m sure if there is anyone who  _ could _ kill him it would be Moira.”

Jesse nodded along, idly patting his revolver  _ peacekeeper _ in its holster. “Meanwhile I’ll try my luck the old fashioned way.”

You could still vividly remember the light tinkling sound Jesse’s bullet had made when it hit the floor after Reaper’s disappearing act. 

“Can I ask you something?” You said as you turned to him fully.

“Of course, sweet pea.”

“What is it like… seeing him like this?” 

Jesse swung his leg off the bench again.

“It’s the worst,” he ground out, “I mean, I’ve been suspecting it for a while now. Reaper’s MO and all have been very telling. But so far I hadn’t ever actually met him like that.” His fingers itched, probably for a cigarillo. “As far as I am concerned, Gabriel Reyes is dead.” Then he put his hand on your shoulder. “And Reaper is next.”

You wanted to agree, but you hesitated. Did you want Reaper dead? You should, right? After everything he did to you… 

But somehow you couldn’t find that hot burning flame inside you that should be there, that wants to kill him and end this suffering. 

_ Go on, kill me. Put me out of my misery. _

Reaper’s words would forever haunt you, how he wanted you to end his life. What would it be like, to live forever and see the world burn but never be able to leave yourself? What a terrible curse.

“I just want this to be over,” you half-whispered, averting your eyes from Jesse’s heated stare so full of conviction. If only you weren’t so torn inside. 

Jesse’s hand on your shoulder gripped you firmly to turn you back around to him, his face full of compassion when he spoke next. “I promise you, he will never touch you again.”

Your heart skipped a beat. 

“Wait, I never said that–”

“I ain’t stupid, sweet pea,” Jesse said quietly, the pity in his eyes made you nauseous. “The man wasn’t a saint when he was  _ normal _ , I can only imagine what being a wraith does to somebody’s moral compass.” 

You swallowed around a lump in your throat. 

“I won’t ask you to confirm or deny anything. I also won’t pry any more.”

You felt like crying. 

“But know this: I will always be here, and so will all the others. We love you.”

You fell into his arms and buried your face in his shoulder, crying fat tears of anguish and relief for the rest of the ride while he held you close. 

* * *

You moaned in abandon as you swayed and shifted on top of a man without a face, he was buried deep inside you and it felt incredible. Biting your lip you chased that orgasm that was just in reach but also miles away, making you go faster and harder. The anonymous man grabbed your hips to guide your movements as he also actively thrust up, synching both of your rocking bodies. 

Then, finally you reached that peak, sighing loudly and falling forward onto your hands. As you slowly opened your eyes the faceless man’s features started to take shape, like he was breaking the surface of a dark pond. 

He had a beard that framed a handsome face and endlessly brown eyes that lazily opened to peer at you, a small smile spreading on soft looking lips. Your heart lurched at seeing him, you bent down and kissed him languidly. 

He moaned against you, his velvet soft tongue playing with yours while his big hands roamed over your back to press you against him. 

When you finally drew back there was a different set of eyes blinking at you. They were darker, sharper, irises a glowing red. His mouth was twisted into a lopsided grin underneath a black and grey peppered goatee. Scars criss crossed all over his face and as you looked at him in mounting horror, the old scars burst open and started bleeding in places.

They just kept splitting further apart to reveal white bone underneath. 

As you tried to get up and away, the man grabbed you and forced you to look at him while he was transforming in front of your eyes. The skin on his ashen face was falling away in strips, further revealing the white bone. 

You knew you closed your eyes tightly, but were still somehow able to see it all clear as day as slowly, a white mask was looking at you through black lifeless eye sockets. 

You screamed.  


* * *

With a cry you startled awake, looking around in the dark of your room. 

A nightmare. You hadn’t had any of these in a while. Figured you’d dream of this shit after what happened yesterday. The digital alarm clock read 02:54 AM. With a groan you got up on shaky legs, going straight for the bathroom. But even the cold water to your face didn’t help much in chasing away the lingering fear. 

Quickly you tip toed back to your bed, snuggling into the comforter and trying in vain to shake off that night terror. Shivers still racked your body as you tossed and turned in the bed trying to find an angle that was comfortable. But your frantically beating heart was keeping your anxiety on a level that prevented any kind of sleep. 

Feeling blindly for your communicator, you wondered if you should try to read the news and take your mind off things. But as you turned it on the first thing you saw was the conversation you’d had with Jesse the night before. You two had gotten off the transport and not a moment later Captain Amari had him come to her office. 

He had texted you then, complaining about boring debriefs and such, saying how he was jealous that you got to skip them. You had smiled as you had replied with a funny one-liner, but secretly you were still sour that you were being treated like a potential spy. 

Uncertainly, your fingers hovered over the digital keyboard. Was it too early to write to him? Probably, it was barely three in the morning. You felt so alone, though… you could use the distraction. 

_ Hey, you up?  _ Your wrote, anxiety and hope warring within you. But before you knew it, your finger had pressed send. There. You’d done it. Now it was Jesse’s turn to either reply or ignore you–which would be fine, it was very late… or was it early?

Your musings were interrupted by his reply. 

_ Yeah I’m up. Everything alright? _

Weird how your heart was starting to beat faster for a very different reason now. 

Suddenly you wondered what you were thinking. Why would you disturb Jesse in the middle of the night for something as trivial as a stupid nightmare?

_ Yes I’m fine, just had a nightmare. Sorry to bother you, good night! _

You typed it quickly and threw your communicator across the bed to hit the comforter. You were so fucking stupid sometimes. That had been so pointless. 

Suddenly the communicator lit up and vibrated, Jesse was calling you. 

Why were you so damn nervous all of a sudden? You reached for the communicator and answered the call. 

“Hi,” you breathed, uncertain why Jesse would call you now instead of texting back.

“ _ Hey,” _ he answered. His voice sounded rough from sleep and it both stirred something within you and made you concerned that you had woken him after all. 

“I’m, ah… sorry, I woke you up?”

Jesse laughed lowly, the roughness of it made you shiver with want.  _ Would that I could be in his bed.  _ Wait, what were you thinking?

“ _ It’s no big deal, sweet pea. Are you doing okay? It’s been a rough day.” _

God, if that wasn’t an understatement. 

“I’m alright, just… uh, that nightmare shook me quite a bit.”

“ _ Wanna talk about it?” _

“I don’t even remember what it was about,” you lied. You really didn’t want to talk about it, just forget about it entirely. “Do you think, uh… that maybe I… or could you…?”

“ _ Should I come over, sweetheart?” _

Oh damn, what had he just called you? Your heart skipped a beat. Was he thinking you were… propositioning him?

Screwing your eyes shut, you answered. 

“I don’t want to be alone tonight. I could really use some company.”

There was rustling on the other end, Jesse was getting up. 

“ _ Be right there,”  _ he said and you realized that he was actually coming over, right now. 

“O–ok,” you stammered and right after you hung up you jumped off the bed to turn on the lights and sprinted back to the bathroom. A quick combing of your hair would do. You also brushed your teeth. You exited the bathroom just as he was lightly knocking on your door. 

“Howdy,” he said and winked at you as you opened the door for him. He was wearing a flannel shirt that was only halfway buttoned up, and a pair of worn sweatpants. Overall it looked like he had just put on the first items he could find. 

“Nice outfit,” you commented and let him inside. 

“Thanks, so is yours. The infamous pajamas I assume?”

“The very ones.” You closed the door behind him, gesturing for him to sit down. This interaction alone made you feel a certain warmth inside that you specifically associated with Jesse. 

“I brought you something.” Jesse produced a metallic box filled with whiskey fudge. 

“Oh, these look delicious!” You took the candy from him as you both walked over to your small couch. “Again, I’m sorry I woke you up–”

“I said it’s fine,” Jesse stopped you. “I told you that you could always count on me and I intend to keep my word.” 

You smiled right back at him, so very grateful.

“I was about to make some hot chocolate, would you like some?”

“Absolutely!”

You went to the tiny kitchenette in the other corner of the room and got out a pot to heat up some milk. 

As you prepared the hot beverages, you wondered what Jesse thought of you. Hopefully he didn’t think you called him for sex, that hadn’t been your intention. You wouldn’t mind if it led to some cuddling, though.

You stared at the two mugs on the counter in front of you.  _ Stop thinking of him like this, he’s your friend and here to keep you company. This wasn’t meant to be anything else… _

Right?

With a small head shake you brought the mugs over to the couch, offering one to Jesse. 

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

There he went and called you that again. He had never done this before. It made your pulse quicken and color rise to your cheeks. From the way he was regarding you he had noticed as well. 

You sat down on the couch next to him and tried to hide your blush behind the mug when you took a cautious sip, it was still very hot. 

He did the same and then set the mug down on the coffee table. 

“Are you alright?” He asked for the second time that night. 

“Yes, thanks for coming over by the way.”

“I could never turn down an invitation from a lady,” he said and winked at you once more. 

You laughed insecurely. “Yeah… and so late at night, too. This must look like a lame booty call.”

Jesse laughed heartily.

“So it isn’t one?” He sighed. “A shame. And I spent so much time to look my handsome self.” He brushed his unruly hair out of his face for emphasis and lazily fumbled with his rumpled collar. 

You grinned and rolled your eyes at him. 

It always felt so natural with Jesse, like you could be yourself at all times. It was fun and effortless with him. 

“For real, though.” His face became serious. “That was quite a scare you gave me yesterday.” 

As you watched his eyes slowly drift towards yours, you realized that the encounter with Reaper hadn’t only been terrifying for  _ you.  _ It had also been for Jesse. How could you have been so self centered? 

“Right… it had been very scary indeed. You must have been worried when I didn’t come back.”

“Not nearly as worried as when I saw you with… him.” His jaw tensed as his eyes slid away again. 

You settled into silence as you both drank from your mugs. 

“But we’re here now, alive and well. One should always live in the moment, my grandpa used to say.”

You raised your mug. “Cheers to that, sounds like your grandpa was a wise man.”

“He was.” Jesse stared into his mug. “He also said to tell someone how you feel about them, before it’s too late.”

Your heart stuttered. “What–what do you mean, too late?” Was this really happening?

He put the mug down again and turned his body toward yours. “What if he had killed you, what if I hadn’t been fast enough? You could have died in that alley or he could have taken you away again. I keep thinking about that and it terrifies me.” The way he was searching your eyes rendered you speechless. “I don’t want to keep it from you any longer. I like you  _ a lot. _ In a… romantic kinda way.”

You just sat there, mutely staring at him while you clutched the hot chocolate in your hands, a small voice inside you wondering loudly what was going on, and then urging you to say something. 

“I really, absolutely like you too, Jesse,” you blurted and felt a knot of emotion in your throat. 

His face lit up in delighted surprise, and you were sure so did yours as he extended a hand towards you, cautiously laying it over the backrest of the couch as he leaned in. You surged forward to meet him. 

As your lips touched you felt an all consuming happiness spreading from your chest. This kiss was different from the other two you had shared so far, it was slower, unhurried but all the more intense. Already your tongues slid over each other sensually, his hand previously on the couch’s backrest now cradling your cheek gently. 

You pressed forward, happily sighing through your nose until a hot splash on your chest made you yelp in surprise. As you broke the kiss to look down at yourself you saw that you had completely forgotten about the mug of hot chocolate that had still been tightly held in your hands, and had now spilled some of its contents onto your pajama top. 

“Oh damnit,” you exclaimed and finally put the mug down. It was quite the big stain. 

Jesse snickered to himself, still half perched against the couch. 

“Stop laughing,” you whined and pinched the wet material away from your body, it was rapidly growing cold against your skin. 

“Do you wanna get changed?” Jesse grinned as he leaned his head against his hand. 

“I better,” you said and got up to get something new from the dresser. 

“Now, hold on.” Jesse stopped you and began unbuttoning his flannel shirt the rest of the way. 

“W–what are you doing?” You couldn’t move your eyes away from his exposed chest, the dark hair curling around his pecs. 

“You can have my shirt,” he offered and held it out towards you. You accepted it on auto-pilot, a new blush forming on your cheeks. 

Jesse McCree was sitting on your couch at fuck o’clock in the morning, topless. You could never have anticipated this when you got to bed last night. 

He even turned around so you could change on the spot. Ever the gentleman. 

“Thank you,” you breathed as you observed his shirt, it was still warm. Quickly, you pulled the stained pajama top over your head and shrugged into Jesse’s shirt. It was like he hugged you, his smell was still lingering on it, too… with clumsy fingers you buttoned it hastily. 

When you sat down next to him again, he peeked over his shoulder. 

“I’m done,” you informed him, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

As he faced you again, his pupils dilated. 

“My shirt looks good on you, sweetheart.” He commented as he brushed two fingers over the collar. You watched his face with half-lidded eyes as his fingers wandered up toward your neck, then over your cheek and then your bottom lip. 

“Now,” he whispered. “Where were we?”

Both of you leaned it at the same time and met in the middle, kissing passionately. Your hands came up to grasp his shoulders, marvelling at the soft skin and hard muscle underneath. 

Slowly, Jesse pulled back and you followed until you were lying on top of him, your mouths still slotted together.

It felt amazing to be kissing him like this, knowing he wouldn’t ever push you to do anything you weren’t comfortable doing. Although you would do anything with him. Your heart was beating strongly with all the emotion you felt at the moment. The safety in his arms, gratitude, happyness,  _ love.  _

After a few minutes you pulled away again just to look at him, to make sure this wasn’t some dream. 

“This is real,” you whispered yourself.

Jesse smiled lazily, softly taking your right wrist to kiss your palm and then put it on his chest, right over his heart. 

“Very much so.”

But you stilled at the familiar gesture. Your hand put into place to heal, to give what you didn’t want to give. 

You had to remind yourself that this wasn’t Reaper forcing you to heal him, it was Jesse. Sweet, loving Jesse, who wouldn’t ever hurt you and only wanted to show you that this was making his heart beat as fast as yours. 

“Yeah,” you breathed and laid down on Jesse’s chest, trying to get your breathing under control again. The fingers of his left hand sought yours and intertwined them, resting both your hands on his sternum. 

Nobody said anything for a while and you felt yourself relax against him, the rhythmic thudding of his heart against your ear lulling you to sleep slowly. 

“Are you cold?” His voice almost broke the spell, but it was also nice as it vibrated against your skull.

You just hummed negatively in response and cuddled closer to him. He squeezed your hand in confirmation and you closed your eyes again. 


End file.
